1. She taught me to view challenges as adventures.

My Mom rarely complained about anything while I was growing up, even when she had plenty of reason to do so. I remember once someone “borrowed” her car without her permission, leaving us stranded at home without any groceries. Instead of feeling sorry for herself and getting upset, she turned it into a fun day where we walked to a bunch of our favorite places like the local pancake house, the park, and Dairy Queen. Her positive attitude shaped my worldview in a way that has made it easier to for me to embrace change and cope with the unexpected.

2. She always has a plan.

Ask any of my sisters, even five year old Madison, what my Mom’s go-to phrase is and we will most certainly reply, “here’s the thing…” She is always working up a plan for whatever is going on around her and she will gladly share it if you are within earshot.

3. She can’t keep a secret…unless it is really important.

If you want information to be private, don’t tell my Mom. Unless, of course, this information is very important. One of the only secrets I can remember my Mom keeping from me is that of my impending engagement. On a family trip to Disney World, my husband, Mark, asked her and my stepfather for their blessing before he proposed to me later that evening. She kept this secret for an excruciating 8 hours. Well done, Mom. She has since asked my sister’s boyfriend NOT to tell her when he is going to propose because she could hardly handle it once.

4. She makes me feel safe.

Bad weather scares the pee out of me. The first hint of a storm, and I’m glued to the weather channel, contemplating whether or not I should be taking cover in the basement. When I was a kid, whenever we had a tornado warning that required us to huddle up in the center of the house, all I had to do was snuggle up in my Mom’s arms and all was right with the world. There’s nothing like my Mom’s hugs.

5. She is one hot mama.

A few years ago, my husband and I were at my Aunt Sandy’s house looking at my cousin Emily’s photo album when we came across a picture from when I was about 10 years old. My husband said, “Who is that?” about the woman standing next to me in a tone that was pretty obvious he thought she was a hottie. It was MY MOM. Enough said.

6. She is never more than a phone call away.

I call my Mom almost everyday, and I know my sister and Aunt do, too. She always makes herself available to us, even if she has other things to do. I remember one time in particular when I called her at 2 a.m. in college sobbing and blabbering on hysterically about some boy who dumped me. She was supportive, sympathetic, and loving despite the fact I woke her (and quite possibly the rest of the house) up with my off hours phone call.

7. She was “Crazy Mary” when I was in high school.

This was the nickname my friends and I had for her due to the extreme boundaries she set for me. (We’re talking a 9pm bedtime as a high school junior, folks!) This really ticked me off at the time and I felt like I was untrustworthy. Turns out, I was.

As soon as I was out from under “Crazy Mary’s” watchful eye, I went a little wild. I can only imagine where I would be if she had honored all my requests for going out, etc. in high school.

8. She is incredibly generous.

My Mom knows you can’t take money with you when you die, and she lives her life accordingly. She often gives from her need, rather than her excess, and she’s told me time and time again, “It’s only money!”

Much to my husband’s dismay, I often misuse this phrase to justify my shopping habit.

9. She has great taste in music.

Rod Stewart. The Monkees. Jason Mraz. Toby Keith. Pink Floyd.

My Mom’s music taste is about as varied as they come and I’m so thankful it is. It has definitely influenced me to be more open to all types of music. I have great memories of rockin’ out in our full-size van on family road trips – complete with her red bandana headband holding back her permed curly brown hair as she danced to the music. She also does this fist knocking move I catch myself doing in the car. (Ask me to show you sometime.)

When her jam comes on, she says, “Oooo, great tune!”

I now say this, too, in her honor.

10. She is very intelligent and loves to learn new things.

My mom made excellent grades in school. She was always eager to help me with my homework growing up, and she devours books faster than she can buy them. Despite her extremely busy schedule with two young kids, she recently went back to school to get her CDH certification (Child Development Home Provider). I’m pretty sure she got straight A’s!!

11. She puts others first.

I know this is a symptom of being a mother for many, but my sweet mother takes it to an extreme. She is care taker and shoulder to lean on for more people than she probably even knows, and she always puts the needs of others before her own, even to her own detriment. I’ve never known her to turn away from a call for help or volunteer opportunity.

When I was in elementary school our baby sitter, Danielle, had a really rough home life. My Mom didn’t hesitate to let her move in with us to escape the dangerous situation.

12. She has a flair for story telling.

She is a great story teller and can really build up the drama and details in a story to pull you in and make you feel exactly what she’s feeling. Maybe this is due to having a daycare for 20+ years. I think you’d have to have an engaging personality to keep 3 year olds interested. What is their attention span these days, 30 seconds?

13. She can be friends with almost anyone.

My Mom is best friends with my five year old little sister, her 90 year old neighbor, and everyone in between. Her warm personality and ability to withhold judgement make her a friend many are lucky to have. She also has a way about her that makes people feel comfortable opening up and confiding in her…which is both great and kind of scary considering the difficult time she has keeping secrets. LOL.

14. She says yes to life, no matter what.

As a college student she received a little surprise. Me! There are many who would have elected to end the pregnancy to finish school, so she could have X, Y, Z and provide a better life for her future children. I’m incredibly thankful my Mom chose life for me. This choice led her into a difficult marriage, and was definitely NOT the easy way out.

A few years later in her marriage, she discovered she was pregnant again. Many would have justified ending the pregnancy as doing the baby a “favor” and sparing the unborn child from the sometimes turbulent home life associated with domestic violence. Instead, my mother chose life and my beautiful sister Cassandra was born.

Fast forward several years later to a new, healthy marriage and she goes through a painful surgery so that she can become pregnant with my dear sister Gabrielle. My stepfather didn’t have any biological children, and my Mom thought it was important, despite the fact Cassandra and I were old enough to be self-sufficient(ish) and she would be “starting over” with a newborn as many put it. Again, she chose life.

In her mid-forties, she has another surprise pregnancy. It is very high risk and she is placed on bed rest for almost eight months, a situation that would require her to miss my college graduation ceremony. Still, she chose life, sacrificing her own physical, emotional and financial well being to bring my sweet sister Madison into the world.

On this milestone birthday, and everyday, I’m so thankful for my Mom. If my Mom has touched your life, leave a comment sharing your story or the impact she’s made. I know she’ll love to read it!

She didn’t pick up, so I left a message saying something like, “I just finished that book you gave me and I feel like someone punched me in the heart.” Did I mention I was simultaneously sobbing and laughing while leaving said message? Sobbing because the book was so heart wrenching and laughing because I knew how ridiculous I must sound. It wasn’t pretty. The look on my husband’s face when he saw me in this state made me pretty sure he thinks I have a “reading problem” if there is such a thing.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been so captivated by a book I can’t disassociate myself from it after I put it down. I was the same way with Twilight, Hunger Games, etc. I think about the characters’ lives long after the book ends. They live on in my mind until the next set of characters take their place. I’ll find myself pondering, “I wonder what character X would think of [insert real life scenario or event]” only to remember he wouldn’t think anything at all unless the author’s pen prompted him to do so.

I recently read a book that had a great female character who was a strong Christian and prayed unceasingly throughout the story. After reading the book, I found myself praying more. I intentionally avoided reading the Harry Potter series because the movies were so dark, they gave me nightmares. These things stay with me. I carry a little piece of every book I’ve ever read around in my heart.

What does this tell me?

I need to be careful about what I read because it impacts me in a profound way. Also, this is the kind of writer I aspire to be — one who writes books you can’t shake.

Person A: “Do you want a piece of cake?”
Person B: “No, thank you.”
Person A: “Why not?”
Person B: “I just don’t want any right now.”
Person A: “Oh, sure you do. Everyone wants cake. Have some cake!”
Person B: “No, thanks. I’m trying to watch what I eat.”
Person A: “That is ridiculous. You’re so thin! Have some cake, really.” OR worse, “You could stand to eat a piece of cake or two!”

Any reasonable person can see the logic in Person A’s last response is flawed, but still, people continue to live out scenes like the one above all around me and sometimes at me. It is unreasonable because…

1) People assume your dress size is the only factor you consider when choosing what to put into your body.
2) You are fit and healthy + Eat cake/sugary food whenever you feel like it = Soon, you are no longer as fit and healthy.

I know most “pushers” mean well, but it can be really frustrating. It is hard enough to convince yourself to forgo the cake now and then, but it is that much more difficult with people pressuring you about your choices. I’m not talking about the friends and family who know you well and ask you a second time because they know you really want it. I’m talking about the people who push you when no really means no and it is clear you aren’t interested.

What’s with the pushing?

My guess is a disordered relationship with food. They view food as a reward, a consolation, a sign of your love, etc. instead of fuel for your body. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy food immensely. I love to cook, bake and eat. Sharing a meal with others can be a really special experience, but I think the focus should be on the fellowship and experience, not just the food itself. I’m as guilty as the next person of racing to sweets at the end of a rough day for a pick me up, but I know this isn’t a healthy habit if I do it every time I get the urge.

I’ve also secretly suspected some people were trying to sabotage my healthy eating because they were trying to make themselves feel better about their own poor choices, even if their real motivation was unbeknownst to them, but this is probably just me being paranoid and reading too much into things as usual.

In 2007, I was almost 40 lbs heavier than I am today, and I work really hard to stay in my new healthier weight range. I remember how I came to wear those extra pounds (drinking in college, late night fast food, and soda to name a few) and I’m determined not to fall back into those bad habits. My husband, who also lost A LOT of weight as a result of our lifestyle changes, has been so helpful and supportive as I try new recipes and recruit him to be my exercise partner. He’s also been the victim of people pushing him to eat things he is trying to avoid.

I’m not suggesting we should never indulge, just that eating something out of obligation or because you feel pressured is doing yourself a disservice.

So as a PSA to the rest of the world on behalf of all my fit and formerly fat or fat trying to get fit or just plain fit friends: Don’t be a pusher. Consider just for a minute, the person you are pressuring is healthy and fit precisely because they skip the cake now and then.

Before in 2007

Today

Cake picture borrowed from here. If you try the recipe, let me know how it turns out. Looks so delicious!

I saw this post on Katie’s blog, NFP and Me, about “Our Song” and decided to participate. My first link-y post ever. Here goes…

What’s your song? Share a video if there is one.

 Collin Raye – One Boy, One Girl

Did you always have a song or did you have to find one?

Our song is actually “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John. On our first date, we saw the movie Almost Famous, which includes that song. We decided not to use it for the first dance at our wedding because it was soooo long and parts of it were a little too fast for the sweet moves we learned in our ballroom dance lessons.

Why did you pick this song?

I heard it on the radio. Cried. (No surprise there for anyone who knows me.) Told my future husband about it. He approved. Though he wasn’t crazy about country music at the time, he liked that particular song.

I liked it because the chorus so beautifully captures what it feels like to be in love. Wildly beating hearts. Everyone else disappears. Ahhh love. <3

I wanted the DJ at our wedding to fade out of the song before it went into the part about having twins, but when the time came, he forgot. I was worried everyone would think I was knocked up and we were making some type of announcement. Definitely not the case.

What does it mean to you?

This song is special to me because it reminds me of being in puppy love with my husband. Five years later, our relationship has matured a lot and our love has grown up. Listening to that song takes me back to a day when everything was still new and our future together was a blank slate. We really were just one boy and one girl.

How has the meaning changed since you first chose it?

I’ve since learned Collin Raye is a strong Catholic convert and national spokesperson for the Terri Schiavo Life & Hope Network. After hearing an interview with him on Relevant Radio, I’m even happier with our song choice.

Won’t you share a picture of you two dancing? (Doesn’t have to be a wedding picture!)

Dancing at a friend's wedding this year.

What is your song, wedding or other?

As a tech-focused marketer, I’m really interested in how Pinterest was created and what qualities make it so attractive to such a wide range of people. So naturally, when I saw this article about Pinterest, I couldn’t resist diving in and learning more.

Having little to do with the product, and more with the frame of mind of Pinterest’s creator, this quote grabbed my attention.

“I think anyone who makes products has this simultaneous joy and, almost, shame looking at it. You look at it all day and all you can see is all these things you want to make better.”

- Ben Silbermann, the founder of Pinterest

Though I’ve never created anything as popular or successful as Mr. Silbermann, I can relate to this way of thinking. Every time I publish a new blog post or share something I’ve written for work or pleasure, I experience a rush of both excitement and regret.

Excitement because I love writing. The process itself, though sometimes painstaking, makes me feel alive. I enjoy communicating from my heart and inviting people into my head. (Enter at your own risk!)

Regret because there are usually a million and one ways I could make the piece better. My sometimes neurotic, type A personality makes it all too easy to get caught in an endless cycle of revisions, especially when it comes to grammar. Yes, I know the rules. No, I don’t enjoy following all of them. At some point I have to draw a line in the sand and release it into the wild for feedback.

And that makes me feel vulnerable. I’m sharing this thing I’ve created from the heart. I’m a little proud, and also a little ashamed because I can spot the deficiencies. I’m sure some of my posts and pieces of writing have been complete disasters, but those failures push me to improve and create something better.

There is always a risk in sharing something you’ve created. I think it is worth it, and I’m glad Pinterest’s creator does, too.

Here is my dilemma…I can’t make sense of the Democratic party’s worldview. I won’t pretend to be extremely knowledgeable about politics (I’m not) or to have all the answers about how my faith plays into my opinions (I don’t), but I can’t reconcile two ways of thinking that are both typically considered to be part of the Democratic party worldview.

The news has been littered with women’s rights advocates aggressively speaking out against the Catholic Church’s stance on contraception. As part of this conversation, I’ve witnessed many Democratic party members and leaders proclaiming the importance of policies that allow individuals to make decisions for themselves.

“Women deserve the right to choose whether or not they carry out a pregnancy to full term.” And so on.

Much of these statements can be boiled down to empowering the individual.

This is where my confusion starts. The initiatives Democrats typically support require bigger government and more regulations, because left to their own devices, individuals, businesses and local communities can’t be trusted to make the right decisions. (I’m of the opinion this is not the case.)

Empower the individual. Individuals can’t be trusted.

Maybe I oversimplified, but I think I expressed what has been running through my head. Anyone that knows me can tell you I don’t hold this view of the world, but I would like to understand it nonetheless.

Am I completely misunderstanding? Or is this really as contradictory as it seems? I’m coming from a place of compassion and curiosity, so please feel free to inform me I’m wrong, but do so politely in your comments.

Think about your own experiences. I’m sure many of you have talked to a doctor who uses medical terms you can’t interpret without a little help from Google. Or a computer repair technician who tries to explain you need to buy more memory if you want to store 5 million pictures of your pet beagle. Giga-wh?

Using industry specific jargon can alienate and intimidate your audience. In some cases, like that of a sketchy car repair shop that gives a bogus explanation about what is wrong with your car because they know you can’t comprehend what they are saying anyway, I’m not so sure that isn’t the point.

But most of the time, I think people want to be understood.

One day last week, I called my Mom as I was driving home from work. We had a nice conversation, catching up about the latest happenings in my little sisters’ lives. Then, I said something that caused my Mom to burst into laughter. Here’s a short summary of our convo:

Me: I really want to help out, but I’m not sure I have the bandwidth to take on anything else.
Mom: Bandwidth? Your head has bandwidth? Like a computer? (Insert lots of laughter here.)

Bandwidth is not something my Mom associates with people, only computers. She was initially confused, but then found the image hilarious. Brain. Computer. Bandwidth. Lots of laughter.

It never occurred to me she might not understand what I said. After she stopped laughing, I explained I hear this phrase used in this way frequently where I work at a software company. She attributed it to my generation, the techies as she likes to call us.

This got me thinking about some other, similar situations.

For example, my Mom says she is going to “take in” a movie rather than “go see” a movie. I wonder if this reflects the way we now view media. Years ago, it was obvious what you “took in” was indeed a part of you and would likely result in an output that reflects whatever it is you absorbed. Today, we like to delude ourselves into thinking playing violent video games or watching crude programs on TV doesn’t affect us. It’s just entertainment.

My Grandma says “stop and go light” instead of “traffic light” like I do, which I also believe to be a result of her generation’s place in history. Most families only had one car when she was my age. My Grandpa taught her how to drive after they were married. Point being, the roads weren’t as congested. A light’s purpose was to tell you when to stop and go, rather than control mass amounts of traffic.

What phrases or sayings have surprised you? Have you ever had a funny miscommunication due to generational language differences?

The obvious:
This is a picture of my Mom and Keith’s camper and camp site.

What you can’t see:
It is Memorial Day weekend in 2008. We are all camping at Potato Creek State Park in Indiana. A huge group of my family and friends (who call themselves “The 2nd Generation Camping Club” – my grandparents were the 1st generation) are gathered at this Indiana state park to camp, hike, fish, kayak and watch the Indy 500 together. Mark and I are not part of the club, but my parents invited us to visit and stay with them for one of the nights. Their camper comfortably sleeps up to 8, and that day, it did.

Some memorable parts of the camping trip…

My younger cousin, Ben, drove me somewhere for the first time. Still freaks me out; I think of him as so little and now he’s engaged!

Cassie and Tori went kayaking. We couldn’t find them on the lake for a while and were freaking out they fell in or something.

Madison showed us her “Atlas” pose.

Phillip almost got stuck in a tree while rescuing our kickball.

We learned Keith’s version of camping involves his XBox.

We watched National Treasure 2.

We picked Indy 500 drivers for the race.

We all got major sunburns while we were watching the race, even though it was a bit overcast.

And most importantly we got to spend a bunch of quality time together.

I know I cheated by including all these pictures in a “You Should’ve Seen It In Color” post, but I make the rules here, right?

How this picture makes me feel:
Nostalgic. Some of my earliest memories are of family camping trips to state parks around the Midwest and my Grandma and Grandpa’s farm in Eminence, Indiana.

I love the smell of camp fire. The crunch of leaves and sticks beneath my feet on a hike. The warm sun on my face while I’m fishing. Burning my tongue on homemade donuts. (I’m not patient enough to wait for them to cool, obviously.) Sharing stories around the campfire. Hopefully, we’ll get a chance to go camping once or twice this year!

Is this your first time reading one of my “You should’ve seen it in color” picture series posts? Get the background about how they started in the first post.

*Title of this blog article is a line from “In Color” by Jamey Johnson. Buy it here!

I know what you many of you Super Mom types are probably thinking. ‘Woman up, Adrienne! Everyone is busy. When you have a houseful of kids, then you can whine about being busy.’

I don’t have kids yet, but I maintain I’m my own special breed of busy. The ‘working for a company growing faster than you can blink your eyes, while helping launch a new nonprofit that is fundraising non-stop, while trying not to serve my husband frozen pizza for dinner every night because I’m too tired to plan and prepare a nutritious meal, I could go on, but I’ll spare you’ kind of busy. Most of it is self-inflicted, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Still, I think it is a fair analysis to say this season of my life is “busy” by most standards.

Yesterday, I was late to work because I left my laptop at home. An oversight likely associated with my ‘in a hurry because I’m so busy’ syndrome. At first I was annoyed with myself and frustrated I had to drive another 1.5 hours from work to home to pick up the laptop and then back again, but being forgetful turned out to be a blessing.

I listened to my favorite Catholic radio station during the trip. The hosts were discussing the three pillars of Lent. For my non-Christian pals, these are prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. The host made a point that hit me hard, right in the gut.

Almsgiving means giving without expectation.

Because my free time is so limited, I’m very careful about the commitments I make, evaluating the return each activity has to offer. Will activity Z make me better/smarter/faster/more faithful? Work activities, exercise, and I’m ashamed to admit without realizing it, EVEN almsgiving. Intellectually, I know nothing I have is really “mine” and this includes time, but in practice, I was weighing how my time spent serving others or money donated would benefit me or my family. (i.e. Is that a tax write off?)

Someone call the selfish police!

Yes, being busy makes the gift of my time more precious. But it doesn’t mean I should focus on how each gift will positively impact me. This wake up call was just in time for Lent and I’m committed to making an effort to give without expectation.

What kind of busy are you? Leave a comment sharing your special kind of busy!

Do you struggle to give of your time and treasure freely, without thinking about what you’ll get out of it?

1. Exercise more regularly and get to XXX lbs.
2. Give more of my time and treasure to a worthy cause.
3. Write more, especially with regards to my novel.

I exceeded the first, achieved the second and did an ok job on the third. I didn’t write much toward my novel, but I did write more regularly in my journal and on this blog. Overall, I’d say I was 80% effective in achieving my goals. This is better than I’ve ever done with regards to sticking to my resolutions and there is one simple reason why.

I had a room full of people who knew about my goals and were willing to support and encourage me along the way. These accountabilibuddies were instrumental to my success.

On Christmas Day last year, my Aunt distributed cute decorative boxes to every member of my family, each one covered in decor representative of our personalities and favorite things. Mark’s was decorated in baseballs and Cubs stickers. Mine was covered in baking tools and sweet treats.

We all wrote down three goals, shared them with the group and then put them in our individual boxes. Then the boxes went back into the big box and were stored away for the entire year in my Aunt’s closet.

Throughout the year as I was working toward my goals, I received support from various members of my family that empowered me to keep going. For example, my husband would exercise with me by walking around our neighborhood or my Mom and sister would leave nice comments on my blog which encouraged me to keep posting, despite my suspicion they were my only two readers.

This year, my three resolutions are:

1. To make meal plans at least 3 weeks of every month rather than going to the grocery store last minute for dinner. This will help us use our coupons more effectively, too.
2. To help a new nonprofit I’m working with raise enough money to obtain and maintain a facility.
3. To exercise at least three days a week, especially when I don’t feel like it. I’m the queen of excuses and reasons why today isn’t a good day for exercise.

So now, in addition to my family, you can feel free to help me stay accountable to these 2012 goals.

My advice to anyone who struggles with sticking to their resolutions is to write them down and tell a bunch of people who will support you in your efforts. What are your resolutions? How do you make sure they don’t fizzle out by January 15th?